I thought that it was about time to let you all know that I did have a few laughs while I was still in the Royal Rehabilitation Centre Sydney as an in-patient! I know that I let it all seem to be so sombre and unhappy, but that is generally how we feel because our lives have been completely disrupted - but, sometimes it is just too funny and we have to laugh!
Annie, one of my long-time and wonderful girlfriends often came to see me and brought her sons along when I was in Coorabel Adult Rehabilitation Service (CARS or just Coorabel), and this particular afternoon she had been talking quietly to me when we heard something in the hallway. Annie was feeling mortified, when Dan, her 9 year old hopped into my wheel chair and took off! He was a good driver and of course, a wheel chair was something new, cool and fast!! Her oldest son, Mikey, got into the swing of things with Dan and they both zoomed up and down the corridors!!
I remember that was one of the first occasions that I felt like laughing and I did uproariously! Annie was chasing after Dan and trying to quietly chastise him and I just laughed more, it was so funny to watch someone trying to be a grown up and you could see that maybe, she wouldn't have minded having a zoom around herself! The boys are still, thankfully, in my life and they are so welcome because they take you as they find you, and that is very refreshing.
Which brings me back to the time when I was saying that my daughter didn't like people to say to ask me what happened or to say me, "Did you break your arm?" and definitely didn't like me to say "No, I have had a stroke and my arm is partially paralysed", because most people feel embarrassed, and so do my daughter's - why??? They didn't do anything and neither did I, so, everyone has to 'get over it'!!!
My right arm is still a problem, as it used to be the dominant arm, with the dominant fingers, so, the fact that I can't write properly with my left hand either (because until recently, I was sure that my right hand would come back in to use just as long as I did this, that or something else), is irritating and annoying, but I have seen other stroke survivors writing and it is and can be as beautiful as the original writing, you just have to practise, practise and practise again - which I don't have the time or patience to get it right!
I also don't understand why other people feel embarrassed by people with a disability? I didn't before I had the stroke (which now is being called a brain attack, like a heart attack) and I doubly don't understand now! However, I am ashamed of my reaction to people with a disability before, because I really didn't have one, which is worse that being a bigot!!! I didn't have a reaction, because I used to think of the 10% of people in Australia who have some kind of disability, as being 'not there'. Since my stroke or brain attack, I can understand why the disabled people and their carers have become so much more vocal and political as we need to make sure that all people are being heard, especially the disadvantaged, which disabled people are.
There was a fantastic show on television this week called "Scarlet Road: A Sex Worker's Journey, about a woman called Rachel Wotton, who specialises in disabled clients. What a documentary, what a woman! It is fantastic that disabled people needs are being recognised in this and so many other areas. However, these other areas; like lifts and how to go out to certain restaurants and shops, are still being looked at as causing a huge disadvantage to the owners, the managers and people in general because they COST A HUGE AMOUNT OF MONEY for the poor restaurants, shops, hotels etc - what about the disabled people!!! At last they are being given a voice and it rings out loudly.
Most days I can confidently walk for miles and not feel too disabled, but sometimes, especially when I am tired, I will find that my right leg drags a little and my limp becomes so much more pronounced. Other times I try to block out the tiredness and say to myself, I am so lucky that I can walk at all!
That is how I truly feel now. I am blessed that I can walk, talk and am not too disabled. I assume that it will get better with time, but you know what the psychologists say, "ass u me"!!!
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