Pooling my resources

Today, I am going to try to explain what the stroke has done to me in the way of a Brain Injury.


When I was still at Royal Rehabilitation Centre Sydney for the first time, the physiotherapist wanted to get me into the hydrotherapy pool and me not being able to speak thought that this was a good idea, until they got me into the hoist and lowered me into the water, I was sort of mewling and crying because the water felt like needles piercing my skin. I tried to move away from the hoist and me being paralysed all down my right side and being held into the hoist by straps, it was like torture for me. Fortunately, the physio was watching my face and realised that something wasn't right and got me out straight away. That was the first time that my poor messed up brain, got it all wrong.


That happened many times at the hydrotherapy pool until the physio said to me "Wendy, it is water remember, we came here yesterday, it's not hot, just body temperature and it is feels nice and is very good for you", I looked at him and something seemed to shift in my memory and I had a vague sense of water in a pool with me in it before and I nodded my head. We tried it again and even though it still 'hurt' every time, I realised that the nice man who was holding me still in the water, wouldn't do it if it was really hurtful to me, so, we had many times in the hydro pool and the hurt got less over time.


I still go to the local pool to walk up and down in the water (I can't swim anymore as my right side doesn't respond - just imagine how funny it would be to see me going round and round in the same spot and I would have probably drowned if not for the aqua belt that I use to use at the pool) and I still have to spend about 5 minutes 'talking' to myself so that I can actually step into the pool as a part of my exercises and I don't even use the aqua belt anymore so I am able to concentrate on the walking. It is so relaxing not to feel my body in the water and I agree with the physio who was so kind and made me realise that even though the water 'hurt' me at the time, it slowly got better.


One day at my sister Maria's pool in the early days of having the stroke and my sister's saw my right leg 'acting up', when I tried to sit on the steps of the pool and have my legs in the water - my leg stuck straight up in the air and we laughed so much because there was no reason for it to do that, but it stayed stuck up in the air until Maria got a noodle and wrapped it around my leg to keep it down in the water!


I was a good swimmer and quite liked going to the pool and loved going to the beach - now, I can't really go to the beach at all, because I can't walk on the sand! I know that sounds strange, but it is true. If a surface is not completely stable my brain goes into over drive and I just end up standing in the same spot because even though I know that it is safe to walk on sand, my brain doesn't.  It 'sees' it as not being stable because it goes up and down and shifts under your feet which is something that is unique to a sandy beach! I can go to the beach but I have to stay on the side where the grass is because the grass doesn't move! I have the same problem when I get out of the car (someone else's car because I still can't drive) and try to stand on the uneven surface of the footpath next to the car. My toes curl up and my brain freezes. It is very annoying and this 'brain injury' is something else again.


Something else that still causes me discomfort, is answering the telephone. It is fine to answer it for my family and friends because they know me and make allowances but for other people, I can't understand what they say on the phone, especially with addresses and phone numbers or anything detailed, they may try to talk in a hurried manner and then, I am lost. I am aphasic, that is my brain has a hole in it just where the speech comes from (as I said in another page of the blog, speaking is one of the fundamentally 'human' traits that just get lost when you have a left side stroke), which is what I have and I just sort of glide over that bit and then piece it together as best I can and hope that most times, I get it right!